I say 'no'. She says 'yes'.
And so it begins.
I have been married for 13 years...have 3 wonderful kids and have endured a lot through our marriage. I gotta say this is one of those lessons that will be difficult to settle no matter how old I am. Do you say it's different, cause technically it is, cause the look is basically the same? Or do you say it's the same even though they actually are different?
Men, this one is for you. One of the best lessons I have ever learned and I learned it from the great Tony Robbins attending his UPW in Dallas couple of years ago. (which by the way, if you have never attended one of his seminars, you have to go. I have a great contact with one of his Top Recruiters in the country, his name is Dragon (cool right), but he can get you the best deal on a ticket). Anyways, Tony really helps turn you inside out and teaches you some really great 'other' perspectives on life. During this UPW event, he mentions the concept of having a heart of appreciation versus expectation. Sounds simple, but when its hard is when asking yourself this question during an argument or disagreement with a known someone in your life...no names needed. We're just talking about friends here right men!??
So check this out. Take the granite picture above. It wasn't an argument or a full blown disagreement, but it was another moment of decision that had to be made along with the 1000+ others you make while building a house and don't forget our old house had just burned down, so our stress levels during this season of life were a little higher than most. Those that have built a house know what Im talking about. Men and women can get a little stressed during that time. So in this moment, we are having to pick out our granite for some countertops. Right or Left? Which one?
So I'm sure from the outside looking in, you who is reading this sitting at home, at your office or at a nice outdoor coffee shop with birds singing a lovely tune and you feel all is right with the world are thinking to yourself, whats the big deal...its just a countertop. Why is this an issue?
This is kind of the point. Making tough decisions would always be easy if your attitude was right, the bills were all paid, you just booked your vacation for next month, your kids are all getting straight A's and or yea, you got a notice of your pay raise this morning, sure, tough decision are easy then. Im not talking to you. Im talking to the parent or spouse that woke up late this morning, found out their dog just threw up in the kennel last night, your kids must have dreamt of the swamp thing last night cause they are acting out the role this morning...perfectly, your baby spits up on you AFTER you're dressed and yup, you're out of bread. Now, you get a phone call from the spouse wanting to discuss something serious or in our case, you go to the design center to pick out granite colors. Then a small little disagreement creeps in...now what? This is WHEN I'm talking about.
And this is for all of you that still think life is full of Fluffy Bunnies and your parents never fought and you think your spouse is a crazy person for ever disagreeing with you! Enough fluffy bunnies, heres the deal, how you learn to handle these situations will change you and your marriage forever! Next time this happens, ask yourself this question, "How can I find the gratefulness in this situation?"
My wife and I have worked through this situation many times and what helps a ton is taking a step back and just recognizing for a second what you do have to be grateful for. We were in a design center, picking out our granite for our beautiful new dream home we were building in a wonderful new community on a lot that we loved! Our kids were going to be at great schools (although we loved the old one and their teachers, you guys were really amazing to us, and many still are!), we were pregnant and things were progressing well. We had found a wonderful rent house to live in for the interim, with great neighbors! Oh and did I mention we were picking out granite for our new dream home that we were building??? Yea...it really is that easy sometimes. But its hard in the moment. This question is something my wife and I have started to ask ourselves at every start of the 'downward spiral' that can occur. Sometimes we have to take a break and think (she is helping me with that part), but its good to reflect, take a moment and ask the right question to ourselves. Just for clarity, have an expecting heart in that situation would be like me saying things like, 'you got to pick the paint in the living room! My turn' or even in your mind just thinking to yourself, 'she/he is just doing this to be a prick or to get under my skin.' Be grateful you got to pick the color of your paint in your living room and that you are married and have someone to help you in the first place. Too many people don't even own a home and many feel the pain of loneliness daily and its a serious struggle. Does this make sense? It has helped us...I hope this helps someone today...Live it up...have fun and be a little more grateful today than yesterday. Its more fun that way!
Best,
Brian Seeking a Grateful Heart Daily